Baby Londee's first Instacare drama

So yesterday was July 24th, a Utah holiday, therefore all dr's are out and usually only the on call is available. As I look back on all the events from yesterday someone up in heaven was watching my sweet baby Londyn because at every turn another miracle went in our favor.

The morning was usually I was cleaning up- and doing dishes as the girls played with toys right by me in our connecting living room. Russ was at work since it was a busy day in the truck business. Then all of a sudden I hear a high pitch curdling scream followed by a cry I have never heard out of Londyn. It gave me chills down to my insides, the sound of death. I turn to see blood literally gushing, GUSHING uncontrollably out of her mouth and nose. I scramble to grab her and figure out what on earth could have caused all this damage... and the ONLY thing by her was a pink plastic flute/recorder of Ava's. And I knew it the pit of my stomach what had happened....

Londyn had been sucking on the flute while walking- which she is still wobbly and not very steady. She somehow fell and the flute gashed into her throat and mouth ripping and causing lots of damage. 

I grab Londyn as blood is going EVERYWHERE, and run into the bathroom to grab something to catch it with. Ava sees the blood and then she starts to panic, and cry. She kept crying out "what is wrong with her" My mind was racing and i knew I had to keep calm. I firmly tell Ava Londyn fell and I need her help, don't cry, you are the big sister. I need you. 

And she stopped ( which is not easy for her) and she ran upstairs to grab her blankey to share and comfort her little sis. In that moment Ava had to strength to act much older then a 4 year old, she was my support and just what I needed. 

I call my mom, at this point Londyn is still screaming uncontrollably, I am so lucky my parents live just 5 minutes away. She needed no explanation only that I needed her and she was on her way. I decided to put baby L in the bath to clean all the blood and calm her down, she loves bath time and that is all I could think to do. So I put her in. As I wash her, she is still screaming but now without all the blood coming out I see the damage in her mouth, with every cry that she opens her mouth- her tongue has a 2 inch rip from front to back, the roof of her mouth is back and blue with rips side to side. She would stop stop crying for a minute, then she would start up again. I could tell the pain was just unbearable. 

Before she was even out of the tub my mom arrived. Seriously I can't even begin to describe how incredably grateful and blessed I am to have her in my life. At this moment when I was having my own struggles as a mom, all I wanted was comfort from my own mother. It doesn't matter how old I get I will never outgrow that.

So my mom distracts Ava, I take Londee out of the tub and she hugs me, naked and wrapped in her pink towel... there we are, she is holding onto me like her life depended on it, like she never wanted to let go. 

And for the first time, no tears, no screaming. 

She was finally consolable.

 As I stood there in the bathroom hugging her I thought maybe, just maybe it would be okay. 

Maybe i didn't need to go to the hospital.

 I grab by cell to call her pediatrician. They answer as the after hours clinic. My heart sank, I wanted to talk to her actual nurse not some random that doesn't care or know her. As I talk to her she tells me the next opening they have isn't until 5 pm. Its about 12 noon at this point. Londyn has stopped bleeding and cries off and on. I wanted to justify that she would be okay but I knew that no matter what the cost her health and comfort is more important. The nurse asked her name and  then put me on hold. She came back on the line...

" Dr Cornish just happened to stop by this morning  (my girls Pediatrician) and if you come right now he will see her"

Seriously?? What a miracle... I don't know how that happened what changed. How did he know? He wasn't suppose to be there at all since he was heading out with his family, but he chose to see Londyn  instead of leave. He didn't have to. He is so amazing. The BEST pediatrician!!!

So I grab our stuff and head out the door. My mom takes Ava with her. I grab this little toy kitty that Londyn loves and jump in the car.

As I am driving, I call Russell. It had been so dramatic this was the first time I had even talked to him. Of course he is just as worried as me. He tells me whatever it costs he wants her to be okay. So I am driving, she is crying hard off and on. I am praying my little heart out that everything with be okay.

Finally we get there, the dr is about 15/ 20 min drive. I rush inside, by this point Londyn was asleep. She had passed out on the drive over. She seemed so peaceful... but I knew she wouldn't be for long.

They take us back to the room, ask me details of what happened, the timeline, loss of blood. I carefully told them everything. I even brought the toy she had fell on to show them. 

Next up...

look at the damage...  

I take her out of the stroller lay her blanket down on the op table. We have 2 nurses plus the doctor to all hold her steady so he can check it out. 

Screaming, more crying... I couldn't even look her in the face, it gave me chills, I couldn't even begin to imagine what she was feeling, her pain. Her little hand sqeezing my finger the whole time. 

Dr. Cornish was quick, he assessed the damage and was done. I picked her up, held her close as she snuggled and cried.  

THe next part... he looks at me and says, "Let me explain to you what I saw" I could feel the tears welling up behind my eyes, my whole body started to shake, I knew what he was going to tell me was bad news. He is a very honest man and not one to overdramatize anything. I had NEVER in all the years I have been seeing him with my girls seen this reaction out of him. He looked very worried, but yet  calm. 

He needed to be... I was not. 

He opens his own mouth as an example and carefully tells me... The back of her mouth, near the curve by her toncilies there was a 2 inch hole, and very deep rip. As he is telling me all the damage, I lost it. I had been so strong for her all morning and now I couldn't be, the tears were pouring out of my eyes as I stood there silently listening. I honestly don't remember most of what was said. Its a blur.

"Your daughter is going to need stitches.. Its much to deep to heal on its own. I am going to call the ENT specialist to come down to our office and take a look at her so you don't have to bother going  to the ER first. But he will need to put her under so she won't be in any more pain for the stitches."

I was falling apart. I am not one to cry in public, I try to hide emotion. But in that moment I was so sad, so overwhelmed and scared for my sweet baby I couldn't stop crying no matter how hard I tried. 

Dr. Cornish continues, "The damage is severe but I am 100% confidant she will heal with no long term issues. But we need to move quick on this."  I told him I wanted my husband here for the surgery. He leaves the room and I call my husband. Obviously crying thee whole time, he didn't even know what I was saying. He had already left his work so by the time I called he was close. 

My husband arrived, rushed into the room and holds sweet baby. At this point I thought we were headed for the Operating Room. Then would have to sedate her for the stitches and it was going to be a rough procedure because of where the cut was. I start praying and asking family and friends for their prayers. I was frightened, this whole thing was so scary. I don't want her to have to go through all this pain. We waited about 30 minutes and then the ENT (ear, nose, throat) specialist arrived.

First of all let me say, this never happens, the specialist came to US,  at our pediatrician office, we skipped the hospital all together. Second of all it was a holiday and he was off duty when he came to us. As I am reflecting back on this all I can''t believe how everything worked out for us. Prayers were truly  answered. 

Now with the ENT there it was his turn to check her out, I was dreading this part...

More tears, more screaming out in pain from poor little wounded Londyn. I couldn't even look at her. Russell and the nurses held her down this time. I couldn't even touch her, to feel her small trembling body pressed down on the exam table. I started sobbing again...

No, stop Laura, I can't cry. I have to keep it together. Dr. Cornish start discussing what they are seeing in her mouth, the options, what do they do. The exam ends. Now Russell holds her to calm her screaming. 

I stand there watching the 2 doctors discuss what is happening, what they saw. I try to make since of it, but my mind is mush, so many emotions I don't understand anything. Their faces are serious, not promiceing. I am standing there in a constant prayer, begging, pleading for a miracle,, just one more, please.

Then the ENT looks at me. Explains that the tear in the back of her throat is very deep but.... due to the location he thinks stiches can be avoided. He expains that often he has patients come in with an absess full of puss that builds on their tonciles. He then has to cut in that location to release that puss. So amazingingly the location of Londyns tear was in that EXACT location. If it were over to either side we would have had to proceed with surgery and stictches. He said it was deeper than a cut he would do but he knows due to the location that it would heal, by itself. He stressed the severe, intense pain she would be experienceing during healing time. They instructed only a liquid diet and nothing acidic. Perscribed anibiotics to make fure she didn't get any infection. They gave us extreamly strong pain meds for her. 

Prayers were truely answered. No stiches, no surgery. I was so grateful. Of course it wasn't going to be smooth sailing, there was still alot of hard days ahead but at least I knew she would be okay.

She fell asleep on the drive home, slept for a few hours, then woke up around 5, crying and in pain. I gave her the narcotic meds. I was a little worried how she would react to them. But she finally was herself. Happy, silly and for the first time all day she took her bottle.

These photos are all from that night, and we finally knew it would be okay.. and after she was on some pain meds!

This is my fav picture. I feel like heaven was opening up and shining on us... 

There is nothing I wouldn't do for my little Londee or my Ava.

Londyn and the little kitty that she hugged on through all the drama.

I just want to thank everyone who prayed and reached out supporting our family during this tough day. It meant so much to see all the kind comments coming from friends and family on social media and through phone calls. I am so lucky to have such incredible people surrounding our family.

Preschool Graduation and Dance Recital

My sweet little 4 year old had her ballet recital the day after Memorial Day. She did so AMAZING and it was so fun to watch her. She LOVES to dance.

These first couple pics were right when I dropped her off backstage. She was so happy and cute!

 So bummed this is blurry. We filmed the whole thing too but I wanted to get stillshot... it didn't work so well. 

After the performance she was tired and NOT at all in the mood for pics. Her dance studio did 3 different performance times. Ava was in the late one. So by the time it ended it was around 8pm and she was exhausted and coming off the sugar high from all the treats backstage. So she didn't want to hold her flowers or pose for photos. Both sets of her grandparents came, as well as her Aunt Kim. It really means alot to me to have family support my daughter! I am seriously so blessed with a great family- including my amazing in-laws!

This last pic says it all, she was tired and ONLY wanted her daddy. She has always been a daddy's girl. So sweet :)

Mother's Day Weekend

After being away from my little cuties for a whole week I could really appreciate Mother's Day even more this year. Now I have 2 kids and for the first time I am a full time stay-at-home mom. Wow what a change from past years. 

My days are filled with play dates, planning my shower and to dos around nap time and chasing around two wild rambunctious girls all day long. Some days are really hard but there are those moments within those tough days where I see the truth and unfiltered love that they have as sisters and for me. I see them grow and learn and everything they do is so amazing to me. I constantly find myself in awe so grateful that I was blessed to have these two little angels come to me and my husband. They picked us to take care of them and love them. I am so incredably lucky to be able to have them and love having the privilege of being there mommy. 

Lovingg my new mint watch, one of my Mother's Day gifts!

Ava made me this sweet card, and wrote my name on it all by herself. Not only does she have amazing handwriting but she knows how to spell my name. Its so funny to me she wrote my first name when I'm sure the kids were told to write "MOM". She knows mom's REAL name. haha love her!!

So I have been wanting a "mother's necklace" for a while now. I love little charms and wanted to personalize something to represent my kids and marriage. I went to a boutique a week before Mother's Day and found exactly what I was looking for.  I picked each of the charms out myself on the silver long chain and all are one of a kind. the crystal and rose represent my marriage and the letters represent my girls. On the bronze necklace the two initials and then the key represents "key to my heart" for my lover boy and the pearl is my birthstone. I am SOO in love with both and ended up being a perfect Mother's Day gift that I picked out :) 

We played outside lots since the weather was so amazing. Here is Ava with 2 of her favorite little friends. 

Saturday night we went to his cousin, Danica's wedding reception. Ava always loves going to weddings to meet the "princess". She always wants to meet the princess and give her a hug. At one point I looked down and noticed she had picked up the bride's train. So cute and glad I could capture the moment :)

I am THAT mom

 I have never been one of those parents that has a hard time being away from my kids.. 

or so I thought.

I have friends and family that really struggle leaving their kids overnight when going out of town. They would tell me how hard it was and how they would cry as soon as they parted ways, call obsessedly each day and night they were gone to check up and leave the babysitter with detailed notes and rules as well. 

I always thought that was how it should be, it should be hard to leave your kids so I though maybe there was something wrong since I wasn't that way. I had only been away from Ava 2 or 3 times and for no more than a couple nights. I even looked forward to having a break, a day or so with my man to relax and enjoy our vacation. Don't get me wrong, I missed her and it was sad to leave her but I wasn't sad or see it negatively at all. I knew she was safe and would have fun with her grandparents while we were gone.

So this time should have been no different... but it was.

This time I was leaving 2 kids.

This time I was leaving a 9 month old baby, a baby that was so attached to me she would cry whenever I left her with a babysitter for too long.

And this was the longest I had been away from Ava and the first time leaving Baby Londyn. I was doing fine and wasn't worried but 3 days before we left.... it hit me

I started having nightmares, I couldn't sleep, and I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was having panic attacks and horrible out of control anxiety. I started worrying about everything that could go wrong.. I was so worried I was going to try and cancel the trip. I have had issues with anxiety and panic disorder in the past but this was at bad as it has been. 

My husband was concerned and my anxiety about this trip was carrying over to my kids. They knew something was wrong, and I didn't want that. I didn't want them to miss us and be sad and if they knew how hard it was for me it would make it harder for them too. Especially Ava since she understands me, she mirrors my emotions many times. The day before we left I went to see my doctor and he gave me something to take for it. And finally I was able to breath again, take a step back to reality and realize everything will be okay, the kids would be fine, the plane won't crash, our luggage will make it there and that I'm not a bad mom for wanting to take a vacation with my man without our kids. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I try to take steps so it doesn't get to the point where I feel trapped in my panic. 

Well the night we left the kids I prayed they would be fine. If they were okay, then I knew I would be. But if they started to cry I would lose it. But luckily there wasn't any drama. In fact, they did amazing the whole time, with both famililes. What a blessing, truely. 

The vacation was amazing, as I said before and I did fine until about half way through the trip. Wednesday I started to get emotional. Luckily we were able to talk to them on the phone the day we were in Puerto Rico.  But for some reason it made it harder once I did. And I found myself wishing they were with us on the cruise. I did have a bit of a hard time that afternoon as we were shopping downtown in the quaint little shops of PR looking for gifts for our girls, seeing other little kids with the tourists made me really homesick for our little ones. But knowing it was only a few more days till we would be home I snapped out of it. 

They were fine, I was fine, everything was okay. So i did amazing the rest of our vacation. The day we got home as we drove home from the airport I couldn't wait to see them, hug them, kiss and love on them. 

Before our vacation I looked forward to a break and freedom away. But what I realized after this trip is I am not that worryfree girl anymore, I am a mom. And no matter what I will always miss my children and worry about them no matter where I am or where they are. My life has changed and thats okay. I wouldn't want it any other way. Now when I go on trips coming home is just as much something to look forward to as leaving is. Because home is my family and I love them more than everything!

The Perfect Getaway

AMAZING!!! 

Basically that discribes our trip. It was so nice to be alone with my man for a whole week and really reconnect without all the daily distractions. 

We left Friday night, we had a red eye leaving at 12:30am. The flight was really late departing out of SLC. So when we got to Atlanta we had to literally run to our connecting flight and barely made it. 

We made it to Miami 9:30 Saturday morning. It was a perfect sunny day. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I was so excited for this adventure to start!

They took this picture right before we boarded the ship. We look pretty good for traveling all night :; Lets just say Delta doesn't have comfy seats for sleeping...

We got on the ship around noon, and were one of the first to board since we got there so early. So the first thing we did was eat then head to the pool to start on our tans!

Our first night on the ship, exploring and having fun. Feeling like a couple of newlyweds again. I feel like I fell in love all over again. So nice just to hold hands, kiss and show the whole world how in love we really are. Its hard sometimes to be romanic when we are holding babies and chasing a rebelious 4 year old having a tantrum. 

We had the most perfect room on the ship. We were on the same level as the main pool and buffet restaurant.  Litterally just down the hall from the pool was so amazing! Plus this time we decided to spring for a balcony room and it was SOOO worth it. Seriously nothing more romantic then eating breakfast as the sun rises or cuddling at sunset. The views were always spectacular from our 9th floor deck. One night we pulled out our mattress from the room and slept out there, truely and unforgetable night ;)

Sunday, our first full day we landed in Nassau, The Bahamas. 

We did an excursion to this private little island we had to get to by water taxi.

There was a dolphin sanctuary here and we watched them do all these tricks and interact with the tourists. It was amazing. 

As we explored this mini paradise we found ourselves in this little abandoned beach cove and all by ourselves. It was awesome! 

After our tour was over we headed back to mainland Bahamas and did a bit of shopping then back to the ship to relax by the pool.

Monday, was a day at sea. So we spent our morning breakfast on our balcony.

Here we are exploring our ship and doing some shopping.

Monday was also our first Formal Night onboard. I love any excuse to get all dolled up so it was so fun!

This was taken in the amazing glass elevator. 

After dinner and taking a bunch of the professional pics we headed back to  our room to change into casual clothes then headed out to the late night comedy show.. Which was SOO funny. We laughed our heads off. Seriously so fun!

Tuesday, we ported in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. It was my favorite port. So amazingly  breathtaking. I never wanted to leave.

We had a fun snorkling, catamaran excursion in St. Thomas. Here I am on the boat sailing over. We met some cool people and all went on this together. Seriously this day was amazing!!! 

After arriving at the spot where we did the snorkling. It was a ways from the beach so it was super deep and I was freaked out. But I got over it and ended up having a lot of fun. YOLO

Sailing back, what an amazing day!!

After getting back to the ship, we relaxed and took naps since we were exhausted. Then got all up and ready for dinner and pictures.. 

I love me and my man!! Still so happy and in love 12 years later.

Wednesday, we ported in Puerto Rico. We didn't have any excursions booked for this port. Instead we decided to explore the island on our own and do some shopping.

Later that night they had a fun pool party. We ended up staying up so late that night. And here we are in the arcade. It was so fun playing all the games. The awesome red belly dancing skirt I got in Puerto  Rico!.. haha

Thursday we had our final port, Grand Turk. It was beautiful but very touristy and expensive. Since the beach was literally right off the dock we decided to just do our own thing, beach and shop. 

After heading back to ship we hurried to get ready for our 2nd Formal Night. 

Me and my lover boy ;)

Friday, our last day and also a day at sea. This ended up being one of my favorite days. We kept it low key, relaxing and soaking in all the ship had to offer. 

After relaxing by the pool we headed back to our room to get all cleaned up and get an early start to pictures and dinner.  We held hands, kissed, had so much fun that night. We ended the night in the ourdoor spa hottub by  ourselves. It will be a night I will always remember. I have never felt so in love and relaxed and happy.

So cheers to 10 years of marriage! I am so happy that we decided to go on this vacation. It may not have been the cheapest most logical thing to do but sometimes you have to just enjoy life and make memories. I never regret the times I do only the times I don't. I love this man SOOO much. And after reconnecting I feel we are even closer and more in love than ever before. I am a better mom, a  better wife, and a happier person. I am so grateful for my life because right now it truely is perfect.... :)

These last couple are right before leaving the ship to head back home.