Mother's Day Weekend

After being away from my little cuties for a whole week I could really appreciate Mother's Day even more this year. Now I have 2 kids and for the first time I am a full time stay-at-home mom. Wow what a change from past years. 

My days are filled with play dates, planning my shower and to dos around nap time and chasing around two wild rambunctious girls all day long. Some days are really hard but there are those moments within those tough days where I see the truth and unfiltered love that they have as sisters and for me. I see them grow and learn and everything they do is so amazing to me. I constantly find myself in awe so grateful that I was blessed to have these two little angels come to me and my husband. They picked us to take care of them and love them. I am so incredably lucky to be able to have them and love having the privilege of being there mommy. 

Lovingg my new mint watch, one of my Mother's Day gifts!

Ava made me this sweet card, and wrote my name on it all by herself. Not only does she have amazing handwriting but she knows how to spell my name. Its so funny to me she wrote my first name when I'm sure the kids were told to write "MOM". She knows mom's REAL name. haha love her!!

So I have been wanting a "mother's necklace" for a while now. I love little charms and wanted to personalize something to represent my kids and marriage. I went to a boutique a week before Mother's Day and found exactly what I was looking for.  I picked each of the charms out myself on the silver long chain and all are one of a kind. the crystal and rose represent my marriage and the letters represent my girls. On the bronze necklace the two initials and then the key represents "key to my heart" for my lover boy and the pearl is my birthstone. I am SOO in love with both and ended up being a perfect Mother's Day gift that I picked out :) 

We played outside lots since the weather was so amazing. Here is Ava with 2 of her favorite little friends. 

Saturday night we went to his cousin, Danica's wedding reception. Ava always loves going to weddings to meet the "princess". She always wants to meet the princess and give her a hug. At one point I looked down and noticed she had picked up the bride's train. So cute and glad I could capture the moment :)

I am THAT mom

 I have never been one of those parents that has a hard time being away from my kids.. 

or so I thought.

I have friends and family that really struggle leaving their kids overnight when going out of town. They would tell me how hard it was and how they would cry as soon as they parted ways, call obsessedly each day and night they were gone to check up and leave the babysitter with detailed notes and rules as well. 

I always thought that was how it should be, it should be hard to leave your kids so I though maybe there was something wrong since I wasn't that way. I had only been away from Ava 2 or 3 times and for no more than a couple nights. I even looked forward to having a break, a day or so with my man to relax and enjoy our vacation. Don't get me wrong, I missed her and it was sad to leave her but I wasn't sad or see it negatively at all. I knew she was safe and would have fun with her grandparents while we were gone.

So this time should have been no different... but it was.

This time I was leaving 2 kids.

This time I was leaving a 9 month old baby, a baby that was so attached to me she would cry whenever I left her with a babysitter for too long.

And this was the longest I had been away from Ava and the first time leaving Baby Londyn. I was doing fine and wasn't worried but 3 days before we left.... it hit me

I started having nightmares, I couldn't sleep, and I had a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. I was having panic attacks and horrible out of control anxiety. I started worrying about everything that could go wrong.. I was so worried I was going to try and cancel the trip. I have had issues with anxiety and panic disorder in the past but this was at bad as it has been. 

My husband was concerned and my anxiety about this trip was carrying over to my kids. They knew something was wrong, and I didn't want that. I didn't want them to miss us and be sad and if they knew how hard it was for me it would make it harder for them too. Especially Ava since she understands me, she mirrors my emotions many times. The day before we left I went to see my doctor and he gave me something to take for it. And finally I was able to breath again, take a step back to reality and realize everything will be okay, the kids would be fine, the plane won't crash, our luggage will make it there and that I'm not a bad mom for wanting to take a vacation with my man without our kids. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I try to take steps so it doesn't get to the point where I feel trapped in my panic. 

Well the night we left the kids I prayed they would be fine. If they were okay, then I knew I would be. But if they started to cry I would lose it. But luckily there wasn't any drama. In fact, they did amazing the whole time, with both famililes. What a blessing, truely. 

The vacation was amazing, as I said before and I did fine until about half way through the trip. Wednesday I started to get emotional. Luckily we were able to talk to them on the phone the day we were in Puerto Rico.  But for some reason it made it harder once I did. And I found myself wishing they were with us on the cruise. I did have a bit of a hard time that afternoon as we were shopping downtown in the quaint little shops of PR looking for gifts for our girls, seeing other little kids with the tourists made me really homesick for our little ones. But knowing it was only a few more days till we would be home I snapped out of it. 

They were fine, I was fine, everything was okay. So i did amazing the rest of our vacation. The day we got home as we drove home from the airport I couldn't wait to see them, hug them, kiss and love on them. 

Before our vacation I looked forward to a break and freedom away. But what I realized after this trip is I am not that worryfree girl anymore, I am a mom. And no matter what I will always miss my children and worry about them no matter where I am or where they are. My life has changed and thats okay. I wouldn't want it any other way. Now when I go on trips coming home is just as much something to look forward to as leaving is. Because home is my family and I love them more than everything!

The Perfect Getaway

AMAZING!!! 

Basically that discribes our trip. It was so nice to be alone with my man for a whole week and really reconnect without all the daily distractions. 

We left Friday night, we had a red eye leaving at 12:30am. The flight was really late departing out of SLC. So when we got to Atlanta we had to literally run to our connecting flight and barely made it. 

We made it to Miami 9:30 Saturday morning. It was a perfect sunny day. I could feel the butterflies in my stomach as I was so excited for this adventure to start!

They took this picture right before we boarded the ship. We look pretty good for traveling all night :; Lets just say Delta doesn't have comfy seats for sleeping...

We got on the ship around noon, and were one of the first to board since we got there so early. So the first thing we did was eat then head to the pool to start on our tans!

Our first night on the ship, exploring and having fun. Feeling like a couple of newlyweds again. I feel like I fell in love all over again. So nice just to hold hands, kiss and show the whole world how in love we really are. Its hard sometimes to be romanic when we are holding babies and chasing a rebelious 4 year old having a tantrum. 

We had the most perfect room on the ship. We were on the same level as the main pool and buffet restaurant.  Litterally just down the hall from the pool was so amazing! Plus this time we decided to spring for a balcony room and it was SOOO worth it. Seriously nothing more romantic then eating breakfast as the sun rises or cuddling at sunset. The views were always spectacular from our 9th floor deck. One night we pulled out our mattress from the room and slept out there, truely and unforgetable night ;)

Sunday, our first full day we landed in Nassau, The Bahamas. 

We did an excursion to this private little island we had to get to by water taxi.

There was a dolphin sanctuary here and we watched them do all these tricks and interact with the tourists. It was amazing. 

As we explored this mini paradise we found ourselves in this little abandoned beach cove and all by ourselves. It was awesome! 

After our tour was over we headed back to mainland Bahamas and did a bit of shopping then back to the ship to relax by the pool.

Monday, was a day at sea. So we spent our morning breakfast on our balcony.

Here we are exploring our ship and doing some shopping.

Monday was also our first Formal Night onboard. I love any excuse to get all dolled up so it was so fun!

This was taken in the amazing glass elevator. 

After dinner and taking a bunch of the professional pics we headed back to  our room to change into casual clothes then headed out to the late night comedy show.. Which was SOO funny. We laughed our heads off. Seriously so fun!

Tuesday, we ported in St. Thomas in the Virgin Islands. It was my favorite port. So amazingly  breathtaking. I never wanted to leave.

We had a fun snorkling, catamaran excursion in St. Thomas. Here I am on the boat sailing over. We met some cool people and all went on this together. Seriously this day was amazing!!! 

After arriving at the spot where we did the snorkling. It was a ways from the beach so it was super deep and I was freaked out. But I got over it and ended up having a lot of fun. YOLO

Sailing back, what an amazing day!!

After getting back to the ship, we relaxed and took naps since we were exhausted. Then got all up and ready for dinner and pictures.. 

I love me and my man!! Still so happy and in love 12 years later.

Wednesday, we ported in Puerto Rico. We didn't have any excursions booked for this port. Instead we decided to explore the island on our own and do some shopping.

Later that night they had a fun pool party. We ended up staying up so late that night. And here we are in the arcade. It was so fun playing all the games. The awesome red belly dancing skirt I got in Puerto  Rico!.. haha

Thursday we had our final port, Grand Turk. It was beautiful but very touristy and expensive. Since the beach was literally right off the dock we decided to just do our own thing, beach and shop. 

After heading back to ship we hurried to get ready for our 2nd Formal Night. 

Me and my lover boy ;)

Friday, our last day and also a day at sea. This ended up being one of my favorite days. We kept it low key, relaxing and soaking in all the ship had to offer. 

After relaxing by the pool we headed back to our room to get all cleaned up and get an early start to pictures and dinner.  We held hands, kissed, had so much fun that night. We ended the night in the ourdoor spa hottub by  ourselves. It will be a night I will always remember. I have never felt so in love and relaxed and happy.

So cheers to 10 years of marriage! I am so happy that we decided to go on this vacation. It may not have been the cheapest most logical thing to do but sometimes you have to just enjoy life and make memories. I never regret the times I do only the times I don't. I love this man SOOO much. And after reconnecting I feel we are even closer and more in love than ever before. I am a better mom, a  better wife, and a happier person. I am so grateful for my life because right now it truely is perfect.... :)

These last couple are right before leaving the ship to head back home.